RyanHagan.Net

My wife and I want children, but have recently discovered that it will be extremely difficult to have kids naturally. Before we got married, we talked about kids and had planned on having a couple naturally and possibly adopting a couple. As it turns out, we may need to adopt all of them!

We decided to get serious about the adoption route. We went to an adoption orientation meeting given by Commonwealth Catholic Charities, and I'm fairly certain their goal was to convince us not to adopt. I got the feeling that they really wanted people committed to adoption to proceed, since they spent the entire meeting telling us how difficult it was, how long it would take, and how much of an emotional roller coaster it would be. Not to be deterred, we decided to press on.

Not wanting to leave it entirely in the agency's hands, we're also searching for potential "parental placement" adoptions. If we can find a birthmother ourselves, we save everyone a lot of work, and hopefully get the ball rolling even faster. This website was created to help us in our search.

We had the in-take interview today. It actually wasn't so much of an interview as it was an explanation of the home study process and chance for us to ask questions. There's definitely a lot of paperwork to do, but not quite as much as I thought there would be. Truthfully, it doesn't seem all that bad. As an example of things we need to provide, they asked us for our autobiography (by far the most intensive document that we need to provide), finger prints, physicals, verification of health insurance, life insurance, mortgage, bank accounts, tax returns, pay stubs, background checks, etc. Honestly, it's (by and large) the same stuff you'd have to provide with a new job, buying a house, or just about any other major financial transaction with a few criminal background checks sprinkled in for good measure.

The biggest shock was that they said the waiting period would begin once the home study was complete, and is currently expected to be about two years. I've always known that the entire process could take between six months and three years, but I guess I was hoping it would lean towards the six month side of that equation. In other words, we need to hurry up and quickly finish the home study so the two year waiting period can begin.

They say that adoption is an emotional rollercoaster. Not that I ever doubted that was the case, but I didn't expect to get a taste of it so early. The company that was our first choice, Commonwealth Catholic Charities (CCC), called us this morning and told us that they had an opening, and that they'd accepted our application. They scheduled us for an in-take interview next Thursday, Sept 2nd at 9am. This in-take interview marks the official beginning of the home study process, which is generally expected to last about 3 months and cost $3,000.

They've asked us to gather a few things for the first interview, our DMV driving records, our marriage certificate, physicals from our doctors, and birth certificates. I can't imagine any of that stuff will be too hard to come by. Of course, they also asked us to bring the application fee (they returned our original check when they said they weren't accepting new applicants) of $150 and the first payment for the home study of $800. As mentioned earlier, the total cost of the home study is $3,000 and is made in 3 payments as certain milestones are met.

We received a packet from Independent Adoption Center (IAC) in the mail today. They are definitely accepting new applicants, so yay! Lots of great information came in the packet, and some information about their fee structure, too. Once again we're reminded of how much this is all going to cost. There are some places that offer grants, or interest free loans, but I suspect that there is a lot of competition for those. We'll start filling out application forms and see, I guess.

One of the other things we discovered was that IAC has a four hour adoption orientation meeting, and a two day, intensive adoption workshop. We'll probably be attending both of those soon, even though they're in Raleigh. I gotta admit, I'm not looking forward to travelling back and forth to Raleigh. It's only about three hours away, but it's already looking like we'll be making quite a few trips.

I've been on the phone quite a bit over the last few days trying to find an agency that can work with couples in Virginia, *and* that is taking new applications. I've also been reaching out to local law firms that specialize in child care and adoption services. So far, I've come up with a big 'ol goose egg. The adoption agencies are nice enough, but the law firms, surprisingly, rarely even pick up the phone. Most of the time I have to leave a message with an answering machine or an answering service, and I *rarely* get a returned phone call.

I did find one agency that is taking new applications and will work with families in Virginia, even though they aren't based in Virginia. It's a Raleigh, NC based company called Independent Adoption Center. I had a great chat with the girl that handles adoptions in Virginia, and she was incredibly helpful. She encouraged us to attend their orientation in Raleigh, which is about 4 hours long. That's a three hour car ride down there, a four hour orientation, and a three hour trip back. That could make for a long day.

Cyndi and I heard from the adoption agency this morning. It turns out that they're not accepting new applications, at the moment. Not only is there a waiting list, but the waiting list is full. They're going to keep our application on file, but they're sending our check back to us. I was really not expecting this.

So, I suppose the next step will be to start setting up meetings with local attorneys that specialize in adoption and child placement. I'm not sold on the "Parental Placement" adoptions, yet, but it could actually be significantly cheaper than an agency adoption. Regardless, I've not had a lot of success getting layers to call me back.

At 8:30am EDT this morning, I dropped our adoption application into the mail. It seems like it's taken us a long time since we decided to adopt to actually get the initial paperwork finished. That's true. The adoption agency advised us to exhaust all our fertility options before proceeding with the adoption. That was probably wise advice, and now that we've done that and seen no change, it's time to move forward.

This is a big milestone which marks the end of our fertility treatments and the beginning of the actual adoption process. There's a long way to go yet, but this is a pretty exciting milestone.